[rant]

CAUTION: FOUL LANGUAGE AHEAD!

So, after paying UPS extra to deliver my TV on a specific day (i.e. the day I'm not at work 'cause apparently they don't deliver on Saturdays here) and them not actually delivering it, I arranged for my coworker's wife/neighbor to receive it for me today. I was excited to get home to a lovely TV box waiting for me.

Then I thought to myself "Kaylyn, you're supposed to swim today. But I want to play with my new TV! You can play with your new TV after you swim. *pout*" and off I went to the pool.

Now, I live maybe 2 miles down the main street from the rec center where I swim. It usually takes me maybe 10 minutes tops from the time I lock my apartment to the time I'm getting in the pool. Today traffic was heavier, which is to say there actually was some. When I passed the middle school (which is where the high school football stadium is, on the other side of town from the high school, don't ask) I saw cop cars which made me look and I noticed what looked like a parade forming up in the stadium parking lot.

At this point I thought to myself "What on Earth?! Are they seriously having a parade?? I sure hope it's over by the time I get done with my swim!" and I continued on to the rec center.

I was surprised to find the locker room empty, usually it's full of giggling middle school girls getting out of swim class, so I was pleased not to have to dodge them. I got in the pool and started my swim. My goal was to do three laps of freestyle, rest, three laps of breast stroke, rest, then three laps of backstroke. I actually felt quite good after my first three laps that I only stopped long enough to take my rings off (which I had forgotten to leave at home) before I continued on to the rest of my laps. I didn't even feel the need to take my second rest. I briefly thought about swimming a couple extra laps, but I wanted to get home to play with my TV. I should have swam longer.

When I got out of the pool I went over to the lifeguard to ask what chemicals they used in the pool. It didn't taste like salt, but it didn't smack you in the face with CHLORINE when you walked in the door either. Apparently it's been a long time since I've been in a public pool 'cause she said it was chlorine. Then this old creepy dude started talking to me. And talking. And talking. And talking. Meanwhile I'm standing in my bathing suit, fat hanging out everywhere, dripping wet, trying to get out of the conversation gracefully. Finally I cut him off and said "I really need to get going!" and he asked "Did you swim?" Um, yeah, that's why I'm all WET dude!

I rinsed off, pulled my sweats back on, wrapped my hair in a towel and headed out. I was thinking I could take one of the back roads that the rec center backs up to and try to avoid part of the parade route. I thought wrong.

As I headed towards the main road where the road I was on ended, I saw that the parade was not only not done with, it hadn't even started! There were cops at the intersection and they waved me to turn the WRONG way from how I needed to get home. I thought "ok, I'll just go to the next intersection and go up a block and then go back towards my apartment. Yeah, that didn't work either.

So now I'm driving down the main street, at night, with people wandering all over the fucking place, not paying a damn bit of attention to ANYTHING around them. Not only that, I'm the only fucking car on the road at this point so the ones not in the middle of the road are staring at me like I'm a crazy person. The kids are looking at me like they expect me to throw out candy. And joy upon joys, all the fucking side roads are blocked off! And the goddamn police keep happily waving me farther from my fucking apartment!

Now it's dark, I'm wet and getting cold, trying to dodge the goddamnfucking morons walking down the middle of the street in dark clothes not paying any attention, and I can't figure out how to get off the parade route. At this point I was a little bit irritated to say the least. So I started to swear at anything and everything. Loudly. Until people started looking at me, and I realized my windows were open. Awesome.

I finally got to down town, almost a mile in the wrong direction, and the parade route turned down another street 'cause the main street dead-ends at a one-way street going the other way (who the fuck thought that one up?!). Yet again there were more lovely helpful police officers shining their flashlights in my face in an attempt to direct me who knows where. So I turn down the next street and keep going past the several one-way streets, through this weird little zig-zag, until I get to an officer that isn't quite so vigorously waving me down yet another side street.

I pulled up slowly, rolled my window down and asked "How do I get back to [my side of town]?" He looked at me confused for a moment "Um, [your side of town]?" "Yeah, on the other side of the highway, you know?" "Oh, um, I think your best bet is to go down to [next street] take a right and follow that down to Piggly Wiggly where you can get back on [main street] past the start of the parade." "Ok, thanks!" The whole time we're having this exchange he was looking at me weird and I couldn't figure out why. As I pulled away I remembered that I was sitting in my swim suit with wet sweats over it and my hair in a freaking towel turban  Now I'm sure everybody's going to be talking about the crazy lady driving through the middle of the parade with a turban on her head. Awesome.

Normally it takes me maybe 20 minutes to go from the pool to my apartment. Today it took nearly 45 minutes. And then I couldn't find my HDMI cords, then my computer wouldn't see the TV, then the resolution on the TV wouldn't behave (still isn't)... ARGH!

In closing: WHO THE HELL HAS A FUCKING SCHOOL PARADE ON A FUCKING MONDAY NIGHT AND CLOSES THE WHOLE GODDAMN MAIN STREET?!!!!

[/rant]