Disappointment and heartache

This week has been one of the worst in a long time. I miss my man so much, for the simple comfort of a hug when I get home. I love my kitties, but they’re not ones for hugging. By mid-morning Tuesday I already wanted to give up on the week. I was really excited because my Insulators were ready to actually start some physical work. It felt like we were finally making visible progress! They got all ready, did the pre-job and headed out to the work area. Later, I saw one of my boys and asked how things were going and he said they weren’t. One of the guys had gotten hurt, bad enough to be sent to the hospital.

 

I felt bad that somebody got hurt, especially one of my guys, although he’s new and I hadn’t even really met him yet. It made me feel even worse that before I made some calls to find out how he was, I dealt with getting the work going again. Unfortunately when Safety went to investigate the incident, they found that the work area was a big mess and said that my guys couldn’t work until it was clean. Since my guys hadn’t even gotten all their tools up there yet, the mess was definitely not theirs. So I had to find somebody to make sure it got cleaned up, but work was officially killed for the day.

 

The guy who got hurt will be alright, although he needs surgery. The injury really had nothing to do with the work at hand, as he wasn’t doing anything at the time that he got hurt. So now he’ll hang out in the trailer on “light duty” for however long it takes him to heal. The rest of the guys (and one gal) busted butt and got the work done only slightly behind schedule, so I guess it ended up ok. But it was seriously stressful for me.

 

Another thing that should have been good, but seems to be turning out not so much is we got a new guy on my side of things for the insulation. He has almost 50 years working with MRI including working for the subcontractor, and the company that made all the MRI for the operating unit. We thought he was going to be a great resource in getting things moving, but it seems all he does is talk big. He yells about schedule and having to get the insulation installed, but isn’t really helping get anything done to actually move in that direction. He’s also slinging mud everywhere without really know what all the rest of us have been through with this. So that’s another big disappointment this week.

 

The last, and worst, thing to happen this week is it seems Rocky is no longer my friend. I don’t know what I did, but he’s refused to speak to me since yesterday. I had been excited because it looked like we were going to get to work together a lot, and I hoped to learn a lot from him, while actually being productive. But he was, for some reason, dragging his feet a lot. I think it’s something to do with how he perceives he’s being treated by management. Anyway, I was getting frustrated because I really can’t get going on this project without his help and I hate sitting around doing nothing. Well his boss got called (not by me!) about it, so his boss called him and gave him a talking-to. It seems that he blames me for this, or something. I don’t really know because he won’t tell me.

 

I feel so hurt and upset about it, that he won’t even tell me what he thinks I did, it’s making me feel physically ill. So now, not only can I not do my job, I want to cry every time Rocky walks by without even looking at me. I spent most of yesterday hiding with my Insulators because I couldn’t stand it anymore. Today I’m trying really hard to find something else to be productive with, but it’s not working very well. I’m debating if asking him to at least be professional and let me do my job will help or make matters worse. I’m also wondering if I could even do that without getting emotional about it. I really don’t need the whole trailer to know what’s going on, and I tend to lose volume control when I’m emotional…

 

Something’s got to give, the question is what?

Where was I?

With all that’s been going on this week, I’ve totally lost my train of thought for these “catch up” posts. I guess to make a long story short I found some serious flaws in the thought process that had been driving the insulation program. One of the biggest issues is there is nobody even close to being in a management position in charge of the program. I mean, you can hardly even call it a “program” at this point. It’s just a couple people doing their own thing, and not even knowing that half the procedures exist, let alone following them. There’s seriously four different procedures going into various levels of detail about how the insulation program should be handled, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who’s read all four. And project management has been going back and forth between trying to tell me to handle everything myself, and telling me I have nothing to do with it.

This last week has been mostly the latter. They’ve had several meetings, and passed e-mails back and forth (none of which I’ve been *officially* privy to) about the future of the program and my part in it. After two months of arguing and basically making so much fuss they had no choice but to listen to me, if only to get me to shut up, they’re finally acknowledging that there are issues with the “program.” Then they basically tell me to sit tight while they discuss everything and come up with a solution. So for the last week I’ve been sitting around waiting for them to tell me something, anything. They told me not to do anything else while they discuss, so the time has dragged on and on. I hate not having anything to do. And I’m super stressed about it because this insulation is quickly becoming critical path.

During this whole thing, Rocky has seriously been the only thing helping me keep even a tenuous hold on the remaining scraps of my sanity. He’s been going to bat for me in the meetings, and telling me as much as he can of what’s gone on in them. He also lets me tag along when he goes on walkdowns for his *other* job, so I can at least get away from my desk for a little. And, probably most important, he reminds me that this isn’t the end of the world. This project is only scheduled to be around for another year or so, and it’s unlikely that I’ll be kept here even that long. It’s always good to have a friend who keeps your feet on the ground.

I’m so blessed to have so many amazing friends. Each one fills in some part of my life and I couldn’t imagine being without any of them. It’s good to try to take the time to step back and reflect on all the good in one’s life; I haven’t done that in too long I think. Sometimes I get so caught up in the day-to-day drama and stress of life that I forget to look at the big picture. I managed to find my soul mate so early in my life and we’re getting married in just a few months. I have a job that challenges me and is teaching me so much, and it pays well. I have loads of friends all over the country that I get to visit and hang with no matter where I am. I have adorable fur balls waiting for me to get home each day. I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food in my belly, and I wake up each day able to stand on my own two feet.

When it really comes down to it, Life is Good.

Just Call Me Zippy

I don't know about other types of jobs, but it seems like everybody on a construction site has a nick name. Most of the time the story behind somebody's nick name is hilarious, other times there's not enough brain bleach in the world. Anyway, here's how I got mine.

One morning at work I was wearing my favorite pair of jeans when I went to discuss something with a coworker and as I sat down my button popped right off! Of course, because of how they fit, this was the only pair of jeans in my wardrobe that I didn't wear a belt with. As this was about 7 o'clock in the morning, I settled in for a rough day. Things started out not too badly, as long as I adjusted them when I stood up and didn't put too much in my pockets they stayed on fairly well. Unfortunately that didn't last long.

After nearly losing my pants completely on the way to a meeting I set about trying to find something to hold them on with. First I tried rubber bands, that backfired rather painfully. Then I found that there was a small hole where the button used to be and I was able to thread a paperclip through it and hook the other end into the button hole. This worked surprisingly well for most of the day. I could even take it on and off with only slightly more difficulty than the original button. I thought I was home free.

Then I had to go out in one of the more cramped portions of the plant. Not willing to trust my modesty (don't laugh!) to a paperclip I pondered what would be more sturdy. I mentioned my dilemma to my Superintendent, as he was the one taking me out to the plant. Then it came to me: a zip tie! Not really thinking about who I was talking to, I asked my Super if he had one. I realized my mistake immediately as a look of pure joy crossed his face. He paused, then started digging in his desk, finally pulling out a hot pink zip tie. "Here you go... Zippy!" he said with glee. *sigh* After assuring him I knew how to use a zip tie properly we headed out into the plant without incident. And then we came back to the office, where he proceeded to introduce me to everybody as Zippy. When people inevitably gave him confused looks he'd turn to me, and barely containing his mirth, would exclaim "Show them! Show them!" to which I had no reply other than to stand and show off my fashionable hot-pink zip tied pants.

Thus I will forever be known as Zippy.

Catching Up, Part Two

Again I'm struggling with all that's happened and trying to sort through what I want to write and how. It seems for me that the hard part is just getting started. Once I get past the first few sentences it becomes easier, at least usually.

The two months or so while my gal was out on maternity leave were insane, and it's not really showing any signs of getting less so. I've learned so much it's crazy. I'm learning about all the different systems in the plant and what they do and how they work. I'm learning how to get over/around my fears of going to talk to people I don't know and, gasp, make phone calls. It's crazy and stressful and there's still a long way to go, but most days I'm glad I'm getting this opportunity to learn so much outside my normal field.

So much has happened and I don't remember all the details or what order things happened in, but I'll try to explain the gist of it. This mirror insulation is rigid, meaning it doesn't bend or anything, and it is engineered, which means each piece of it is specifically designed to go in a certain spot. Now if all the pipe it was going on was out in the open away from other stuff, that'd be great, super easy. But it's not. It's crammed into the bowels of a power plant with thousands of other things all over the place around it. The super cool thing is the people designing the insulation live in Chicago. I don't know if they've ever even been in a power plant, let alone this one. So they have a guy here going out and looking at all the pipes they have to insulate and trying to find all the stuff that is in the space or "envelope" that the insulation will be occupying. He then sends this information to his folks in Chicago and they design a notch in the insulation to provide room for whatever it is that's in the way.

I've found there is so much wrong with this method it's not even funny. For one thing, they've been doing these "walkdowns" for almost four years. So much has changed in the plant in four years the info they gathered at the beginning is worse than useless. The're going to have notched around things that aren't there anymore (letting more heat out, reducing efficiency, and ultimately costing money) and they're not going to have a clue about all the stuff that's been installed since then.

Another huge issue is that when things get hot, they move, sometimes a LOT. Some of these pipes can move upwards of six inches when they heat up. Six inches! With no apparent outside force! To a Civil, this is mind boggling. Anyway, nobody has been taking this into account when they're looking at what is in the way and what isn't. If the insulation is three inches thick and something is five inches from the pipe you'd think it wouldn't be a problem, but if the pipe moves another three inches in that direction, you suddenly have an issue!

Yet another kind of big issue is what if the *thing* that's in that envelope would be damaged by getting hot? Well the people putting all the other stuff in the plant don't always realize just how hot some pipes will get, in their defense they have a lot on their minds. But you have to think, ok my item can handle temperatures up to 300 degrees, this pipe operates at 540 degrees, maybe I don't want to be one inch away from it... So now we have who knows how many notches around things that can't be allowed to get that hot.

If we go back to the moving pipes thing again, heat isn't the only thing that'll cause movements in the plant. It's possible for there to be an earthquake and then stuff will move all over the place. So what happens if something fragile is inside a notch in this insulation and everything starts moving? It's going to get banged up! I'm just a "dirt herder" so I don't know what can handle being smashed up and what can't, and the people who do know, don't think about this stuff.

All of these issues combine into one big nasty world of hurt. Every time I think we've gotten to the end of the problems, another one pops up. I've been really struggling to understand the whole picture because it is all so far outside my realm of experience I feel like everybody is speaking a foreign language half the time. I've been trying to offer suggestions based on my experience and what I see in the field. Some of my suggestions have worked, and unfortunately some of them have made things worse.

The super fun part of all this is I'm not the first person to bring up these issues or ask these questions. There's these two guys who's whole job it is to look at how all the stuff in the plant interacts with all the other stuff. Four years ago they brought up all these questions. They pointed out to management how ugly things could get if it wasn't dealt with soon (this was FOUR years ago!). Management said "Nah, don't worry about it, it's all good." And look where we are now! It just totally boggles my mind that they could be so... nearsighted as to ignore something this big. And because they were shot down so hard, and the implications of these issues are huge, I've been running into a lot of resistance.

Now, some of you may not know this, but I'm really stubborn. When somebody pushes back on me, or tries to brush me off, I lower my head and charge in even harder and deeper than the last time. Most times, when I feel the issue is important (and protecting the people in and around this plant is of utmost importance) I absolutely refuse to back down. Unfortunately I've also never been accused of having any tact. Sometimes the bulldozer method isn't the best, but it's really all I know how to get things done. I'm sure it's shocking that I've made some people somewhat unhappy with me. Lucky for me, I've also impressed some people.

Back to these two guys who have some ungodly number of years of experience at figuring out how all the different things in the plant interact with each other. One of them gave this training class several months ago, basically a crash course on what to look for when installing new items to make sure they wouldn't negatively impact anything else. At the time I had absolutely nothing to do with anything new being installed and I was really irritated at being made to go to this training. Long story short, I acted like a petulant child to him through the whole class and did my best to ignore everything he was saying. Hindsight blah, blah blah right? Anyway, back to when I start actually caring about new stuff being installed and how it interacts with everything else. These two guys actually sit in the same trailer as I do, although they're in a different area. I was working up the courage to go ask them to explain something to me, hoping that the guy who taught the class maybe didn't remember how much of a bitch I had been. So I finally go over there and explain what I'm doing and ask my question and their response totally shocked and confused me.

I expected one of them to respond somewhat negatively and the other to probably be neutral. What I didn't expect was the one to respond negatively was the one I'd never dealt with before, and the one I was bitchy to was actually really nice and friendly towards me! Anyway, over the days and weeks I went back to them more and more as I realized just what a valuable resource they were. I tried to be nothing but polite and respectful to both of them and express my gratitude for their assistance.

Quick aside here, I'm gonna give these guys names so it's easier to explain. The one who taught the class and seemed to get over his first bad experience with me, I'll call Rocky (don't ask, it's not my story to tell). The one who, for no apparent reason, treated me like I was beneath him, I'll call Stuffed Shirt. Anyway, back to the story.

As I pestered them more and more, Rocky and I started being somewhat like friends. While Stuffed Shirt rarely gave me any help without burying it in a lot of really negative opinions and rants and whatnot. I quickly found that he, at least to all appearances, has a REALLY low opinion of Field Engineers. He also seemed to really not like me. After a couple weeks I finally straight up apologized to Rocky for that first day that we met. He kind of laughed and said he had been wondering about that. After that we really did become friends. Since he was able to give me a second chance, I was really confused as to why Stuffed Shirt took such a disliking to me, especially since I couldn't recall ever treating him with less than respect. I know I've run into people who don't like to work with me because I'm young and/or female, but this didn't feel like that. I complained several times to Rocky, since he and Stuffed Shirt seemed to be friends, and asked what I had done to deserve this treatment. Rocky always told me not to take it personally, that Stuffed Shirt was like that to everybody, but I knew there was something else there.

While working on one particular interference issue, I was having trouble getting a handle on the whole situation just looking at the pictures and sketches, so I tried to go out in the plant to look at it. Well, for the first time in my career I found it physically impossible for me to do something. I just flat out couldn't fit in the space to get a look at the situation! And it wasn't my fat getting in the way, (although I know there's more of that than there should be!) I was just plain too big! I was so frustrated and was complaining to somebody in the office, asking if they knew anybody smaller than me that would know what they were looking for when Stuffed Shirt came over and offered to go get more pictures for me (he's a rather slight guy). I hurriedly picked my jaw up off the floor and said I'd really appreciate it. As soon as he left I texted Rocky and was like WTF?! What the heck changed that Stuffed Shirt not only was NICE to me, he actually OFFERED to help without me even asking him to begin with! Well that's when the whole story came out.

Apparently Stuffed Shirt thinks that since I do not meet his ideal of a "professional appearance" he felt I was not worth his time. It wasn't that I'm young or female, it was my piercings, one visible tattoo, and my (fabulous) purple hair. Oh and my clothes (I wear scrub pants and t-shirts ever since the zip-tie incident, I'll explain later). When Rocky told me that, I wanted to cry. This guy didn't even want to give me the time of day because of how I look?! Why does it matter at all what I wear or what color my hair is?! I have a degree from a good school, my Professional Engineer license, and over six years experience as an Engineer. I've had tattoos and piercings the whole time, actually I've acquired more of both in the last six years! Those things have absolutely nothing to do with how well I do my job or how smart I am!

Anyway, the reason Stuffed Shirt suddenly decided to give me a chance is because Rocky asked him to. Which of course made me want to cry for a whole different reason. Here is this guy, who I made a really terrible first impression with, going out of his way to try to change somebody else's opinion of me! I really don't know what I did to deserve such a good friend, but I'm sure glad I have him!

I think that's enough for part two. Maybe I'll still be on a roll and make a part three tomorrow ;)

It's Been a While

Wow, first post in... well a really long time. So much has happened, but at the same time it's almost like nothing really has. It's hard to explain. Every time I thought about doing a post I'd think about all the things I wanted to say and I ended up getting overwhelmed and just didn't even bother starting. But today it feels like it's time to start again, at least with this post.

First, the easy things. One of the biggest is that my man and I are getting married much sooner than we expected. When I go home for the little one's graduation in June, we'll go to the courthouse and get hitched. We're still planning on having a nice "wedding" at a later date, which is a cause of some... contention for some people, but we're paying for it so we can do what we want (my man told me that when I was getting upset about it, I love him!).

Another thing is I was being considered for a position back home, but my boss here won't release me, so I had to withdraw my application. Apparently my boss really likes me even though I talk back to him, basically tell him he's an idiot, and I ignore him and do my own thing. *sigh* I knew it was a long shot, but still... I don't know what I was thinking when I accepted the position in Alabama in the first place, but I certainly didn't think it'd be this freaking hard to be away from my man and the little one!

So here's where things get long and complicated. A few months ago, about three I think, just as I was really getting the hang of how to do my regular assigned duties, my boss pulled me aside and asked if I would like to cover for one of the girls when she went on maternity leave. He said it was for a subcontract and since I've had experience working with subcontracts and whatnot he thought I'd be the one for the job. He also said that the work this subcontract was for wasn't on the schedule for almost a year, so I probably wouldn't have to do much for it at all. I should have seriously run screaming at that point!

My "training" for it started out with going to the weekly meeting and having NO clue what they were even talking about. The subcontractor, TPI, is to design, fabricate, and install something called metal reflective insulation or MRI (also called mirror insulation). Now this totally threw me for a loop because in my very limited experience with thermodynamics I thought metal is a seriously crappy insulator. So first they had to explain what exactly this stuff is. Basically if you cut it open it looks like corrugated cardboard (except made out of stainless steel sheet metal) and it doesn't insulate so much as reflect the heat back into the pipe it's on (see where the R part comes from?). So anyway, back to the "training" every time I asked the girl I was to be covering for what she did for the sub she basically said "not much really." What I couldn't understand is if there wasn't much going on, why did they have a full time person assigned to dealing with it?

Anyway, fast forward a couple weeks, it's still almost three weeks before she's due, so I wasn't really worrying about anything yet. Again, this should have made me worry. Late in the afternoon the day before our weekly meeting somebody came asking for the TPI person. I looked and couldn't see my gal anywhere so I said they could ask me the question and I'd find out and get back to them. Then I started thinking back through the day and thought I remembered her leaving in a bit of a rush. This is about when I started getting worried. The next morning, when she didn't show up, I started getting really worried. Then my fears were confirmed when somebody said she had gone into labor, two weeks early, and was at the hospital. Oh yay for me!

I've run out of steam and this is as good a place as any to break this into a two-parter, so you all get to wait for the rest of the story! ;)